balancing change

i haven’t written in over a week now. i am having trouble with my cause, my religion, my commitment. i refuse to say that it is wavering, rather that i need to find balance in my life. balance is key. unfortunately, as we all know, passionate people are rarely balanced.

so, do i want to be balanced, or imbalanced? i do have passion for living cleaner, for knowing i am doing the best that i can to reduce the waste that my family produces, for trying, oh dear, trying to live without the sin of plastic. or do i want a happy family? (a false dichotomy, i know, but many times the heads do butt).

my gains: my kitchen is now filled with mason jars that have been bulk purchased thus creating 0 packaging waste. i have been connecting more with people who are excited about living similarly (yay!). this week i made my own seitan, pumpkin pudding from scratch, made more granola, bread, and finished my first small bag- sewn from found fabric. the most exciting development is that i have gotten my gas mileage up to 46+ miles/gallon!

how do you do that you ask... well, i drive a honda civic hybrid and have been disappointed with my mileage, i have only been getting about 42. and then, this past week, i had a revelation. i changed my driving habits. i realized that it was more important for me to save gas, because gas, (plastic’s parent) is evil and has caused major environmental and sentient damage... so i started driving a little slower. and my gas mileage started to go up. when we took a longer trip, i set the cruise control on 58 (yes, this was on the thruway and others were hating us, but they managed to simply pass us). it seems living in an environmentally sensitive manner is merely considered a speed impediment to many. it did seem so on the road....

which makes me think of this week’s mantra: change. all this effort to reduce waste is all about changing behavior. how do i affect my world? can i do anything more powerfully than live the example i am trying to set? well yes, but it has to begin with living the reality, walking the walk,... and then i can join with others. but truly, living it is the best aphrodisiac, (opps, that belongs on another post...) really, it is exciting to begin to see some change.

in the latest issue of The Sun magazine, there is an interview with Janine Benyus. she is a biologist whose specialty is biomimicry. in the article she talks about our relationship to nature and explains how we are moving from an immature view of nature where we just extract what we need and move on, to one that has set down roots, needs to become more efficient, and “develop cooperative relationships....Now we are .... in a crowded world with limited resources. Our strategies have to shift. We have nowhere else to go.” this made an impression on me because this week the world seemed to whisper to me, “it’s all about changing behavior...” , “it’s all about changing behavior....” but i like the sound of “shifting” better, because it implies a softer, subtler movement, one that doesn’t require as much effort as change- earth shattering, mind altering, brain splattering, heart palpitating CHANGE....

writing helps me realize that i am getting somewhere. i know that my recycling bins are not filling up so awfully fast. my fuel intake is going down. all good stuff. but making that paradigm shift where prioritizing the sacredness of resources over the fun and tastiness of now... at times it seems herculean, but i see a SHIFT has begun. altering behavior needs to be done in increments. at least that is the only way i seem to be able to manage change without getting completely imbalanced and turning into some kind of right wing talk show host.