mobius trip

how do you weigh driving 30 min. to get food in bulk as opposed to in plastic containers? hmm, is there a formula for comparing the evils of plastic vs. gas?

is it good not getting your kids plastic toys that everyone else is while taking “free” or recycled plastic? then giving in and getting some because they are of a better “quality” resin, (and he really likes them?)

how do you weigh not getting your sick daughter food that she likes, but is crappy and comes in plastic containers? how sick is she, you ask. well, sick enough to make me feel uncomfortable.

let me tell you, the sickness thing really blows the whole environmental eco-warrior thing way out in the water. it confounds me because i feel the question is: what are my values, what are my priorities? and i get the nagging sensation that my priorities are not in their right places.

i wanted to honor the earth, the source for all life, respect the nature of things, the energy and effort that goes into all the food and materials that we so casually take advantage of. but i also need to honor my daughter and show her that i love her and care for her needs and her desires.

yes, i have slipped in many ways. i have a hard time denying my girl the things she considers the “good things in life” when my effort seems only to serve my own need not to pollute but is having no real effect on anyone else, let alone the environment. i have begun to feel selfish about my commitment to creating less garbage!

i feel like i am being sucked into a bad 80’s political argument. do you respect the trees or the jobs and the lumberjacks. remember the spotted owl?

i realize now how this is the same straw dog argument. both the forest and the lumberjacks and the owls can be saved. in fact, if you clear-cut, what trees are left for next time? sustainability is the mantra now. how can that idea work for me and my family?

i think that i need to take more control. the lifestyle that i am championing is hard, but ultimately is the best for all of us. but none of us really like our hard lessons.

i can hardly do all of it, in fact, the bread making has really slipped lately. and i often eat out, or worse take out.

i am twisted like a mobius strip. one side is sustainable effort and the other is throwing caution to the wind trying to survive to tomorrow, trying to enjoy today.

it is a baaad culture that makes for a seeming direct conflict between surviving today and long term survival. sense us not here now.