living in the lyme light

the new year started out powerfully for me. i had a strong sense of purpose, strength and power in direction. i will reduce my families waste and live a more environmentally friendly lifestyle.

here we are almost a full half a year from then and i feel so far away from that power. it is true that last time i did recycling i had almost no plastic and our recycling often out paces our throwaways. i suppose i should check that off on my list. and of course the diva cup is so cool!

but life is strange and takes twists and turns to teach us about our own futility and nature’s awesome powers. to make a long story short, lyme disease and it’s co-infections have ravaged half my family for many years. after recognizing this about two and half years ago, my daughter and husband went on various strains of antibiotics and supplements. my husband seems to have come out the other end feeling mostly well, better than he has for years. my daughter on the other hand, has not seen much benefits from the drug treatments.

about a month ago, we went off the antibiotics and went in search of alternative therapies. it was a revelation. my feelings were that i had relinquished my responsibility for my daughter’s health to the drug companies. no wonder they own america, it is such a wonderful idea to take a pill and be better. unfortunately, for our lazy ass selves, this is usually not what is needed.

so really, i feel blessed with this new development because it has opened my mind and life in new ways. now i am researching and learning about how to optimize the health of my daughter, and everyone else while we are at it, through diet, supplements and electronic healing (more about that later).

for starters, we are working on streamlining her diet so that she eats exceptionally healthy. well, this means that everyone has to do the same because we all can’t be eating junk while she has to eliminate the sugar and simple carbs and other wonderful tasting items (remember my suffering over whether or not to buy her the “good things” in life that come in bags?). well, it ends up that those things are poison for her anyway! so it does all work out in the end, sometimes. well it would if i were to stop here.

but i cant.

remember all that yummy bread that i used to make? yummy, but not really the healthiest for us! so it was good that i stopped making it! but now i should learn how to make sprouted grain bread. anyone have any good recipes?

here is another example of how this all is such an interesting experience: we all pretty much quit eating bread and had minimal if any pasta for weeks in solidarity with alex. then she went away for the weekend (doing much better, thank you). so my hubby and i pigged out on pasta. guess what? we both got sick! seems as though we are both gluten sensitive as well!

my point is that i feel i have moved on. my focus has shifted. but really, now that i think about it, all is connected and i need to expand to care not only about the waste produced, but the quality of stuff coming into our lives, especially food. consciousness needs expanding. all is connected. everyone please join me in my new mantra, yom.

mobius trip

how do you weigh driving 30 min. to get food in bulk as opposed to in plastic containers? hmm, is there a formula for comparing the evils of plastic vs. gas?

is it good not getting your kids plastic toys that everyone else is while taking “free” or recycled plastic? then giving in and getting some because they are of a better “quality” resin, (and he really likes them?)

how do you weigh not getting your sick daughter food that she likes, but is crappy and comes in plastic containers? how sick is she, you ask. well, sick enough to make me feel uncomfortable.

let me tell you, the sickness thing really blows the whole environmental eco-warrior thing way out in the water. it confounds me because i feel the question is: what are my values, what are my priorities? and i get the nagging sensation that my priorities are not in their right places.

i wanted to honor the earth, the source for all life, respect the nature of things, the energy and effort that goes into all the food and materials that we so casually take advantage of. but i also need to honor my daughter and show her that i love her and care for her needs and her desires.

yes, i have slipped in many ways. i have a hard time denying my girl the things she considers the “good things in life” when my effort seems only to serve my own need not to pollute but is having no real effect on anyone else, let alone the environment. i have begun to feel selfish about my commitment to creating less garbage!

i feel like i am being sucked into a bad 80’s political argument. do you respect the trees or the jobs and the lumberjacks. remember the spotted owl?

i realize now how this is the same straw dog argument. both the forest and the lumberjacks and the owls can be saved. in fact, if you clear-cut, what trees are left for next time? sustainability is the mantra now. how can that idea work for me and my family?

i think that i need to take more control. the lifestyle that i am championing is hard, but ultimately is the best for all of us. but none of us really like our hard lessons.

i can hardly do all of it, in fact, the bread making has really slipped lately. and i often eat out, or worse take out.

i am twisted like a mobius strip. one side is sustainable effort and the other is throwing caution to the wind trying to survive to tomorrow, trying to enjoy today.

it is a baaad culture that makes for a seeming direct conflict between surviving today and long term survival. sense us not here now.

riding the diva

the ebb and flow of life has swept me away from writing for a while. i am gratified to find that some people actually missed my writing and to you i dedicate this work

change is a constant, yet conscious change is difficult. i have come across many blockages in my eco-warrior attempts. some i like to blame on my family who, quite naturally want what they want and don’t really give a rat’s ass that their chips come in a plastic bag.

that is hard to butt up against on a daily basis and not give in to unless i want to spend all my time in the kitchen, or be the queen bitch.( but that is not the point, but quite the potential article.) the point is to find the ways that i am moving forward. and i feel i am. my world view is evolving and my life moving in a way that i feel i am becoming more representative of what i want to become.

that sounds wierd. but really, how do you grow and change? first you get the idea and then you try to implement it. but as a human, i find i need to do it piece by piece. not a big jump in the hole.... just to go argghhhh, and splat.

so, my big development this past month or so was buying a diva cup. for those of you that don’t know, a diva cup is a menstrual cup. i really hated throwing away all those disgusting “feminine hygiene” products. our womyn’s time of the month is a sacred time, sometimes a difficult and intense time. to compound that with throwing away this product of our body, our blood, in fast food like containers...so that not even the worms can get at it is just plain gross.

not only do i get crampy, crappy, and cranky when i get my cycle, but my sensitivities are heightened by my connection to the bloody earth. in short, i was particularly disgusted by the deluge of bloody garbage. my precious bodily fluids should go into the ground nourishing her, should not be wrapped in chlorinated paper and encased in multiple layers of plastic.

but it took me a long time to get up the nerve and also, the money to buy a diva cup (tm). and i feel as though i have taken a real leap in the right direction. sure, it is a bit messy, a bit funky to insert, take out, dump and wash. but i don’t remember a time that having my period wasn’t messy. it feels sooooooooooooooo good to not throw all that stuff away and away. (and not to have to carry all those tampons and pads around.)

why did it take me years to try this? money is one answer and it is part of what the problem is. in order to do the right thing often, it costs more to start with. with the diva cup, i invested $30 and don’t have to spend $10 or more a month on pads and tampons. that only takes 3 months to start to get a return on my investment. there is so much in our lives that is like that. spend more time planning and preparing, spend more for the future instead of just going with the flow...