a digression and explanation of my lack of capitals

why I don’t use caps or e. e. cummings and me

this is funny, as i write this, my computer automatically corrects me (caps my i’s and beginning of sentences). usually when i use word i am happy that it will do all this work for me. but now i will have to go back and fix all of these mistakes. you see, when i don’t use this program and i write the old-fashioned way, with a pencil and paper, i don’t use caps. when i email, or write directly onto something like this blog, i don’t use caps. why?

well, it all started back when i was a kid and i was introduced to the idea of democracy, an egalitarian society, one in which everyone is equal. i fell In love with the idea. then i noticed something interesting in our language use. mainly that I, I, I, seem to be so much more important than you, of course also, me. which is quite funny because logically, why should I be honored with caps but not me? because I am the subject and me is the object? is it all really all about me? (stoke the ego, stoke the ego, build up steam, power the I) hmm, that sounds egotistic, selfish, indivdualistic. it also seems so patriarchal, and visually is rather phallic as well. why shouldn’t i honor my subjective self with special caps, an attention getting, grown-up capital letter? it is simple. i do not identify with the I- the artifice of the capital empowers the subject, it elevates the individual who is talking over the ones He is talking to. just as standard english is gender biased, it is also speaker heavy. i do not believe that i am any better, any grander, deserving of any more attention than you or them, he, us, we, or she.... you see, my identity is precious, but it is still just a name, just me, just another i, like so many other i's out there...

janet or job, bob, or bill, rachel or susan or rose. a name is still just a name. i believe we all are equal, well in theory anyway. my title and name is not so special. i will pass on; my essence IS no greater than animated dirt. the I is a false elation of the ego; the I is an artifice to extol my power. on depressed days i might just grasp at that dollop of grandure.

the details of our language choices do count for something. we send messages with, not just our word choices, but the format we choose, the font we choose, and the use or misuse of punctuation. it all tells a story. as an english teacher i had a hard time teaching grammar because it really is superfluous. it really tells, more than anything, how much the writer accepts the rules of society (or at least appears to). so do i reject the rules of society? (apparently). are appearances crucial, or misleading? a false dichotomy or a conflicting reality? a koan or a power play? frivilous or substantial? or just a dance between the writer and the reader?

why do we have caps at the beginning of sentences? i do not necessarily want the emphasis to be at the beginning of every sentence. a period seems strong enough to me. eradicating the period has occured to me, but i don’t want my readers to work so hard at deciphering what i have to say that they have to ferret out their own sentences. (though I might if i were writing poetry.) i still like the cohesiveness of thought constrained to a unit. i will not deconstruct so much that the pieces need to be puzzled back together on such a minute level. not too much, not yet, anyway.

so, in the email world of the younger generation, this probably seems silly. caps? why think about it? who evn nds whle wrds? do u? i fear i am conservative and old school. but still, my point is not convenience, as is the shorthand of a multitasking plugged-in youth, but the political point of equality and poetry. if i were not so confined by the space of the page, or were so inclined, i could with the computer really work this into visual art. that point i have yet to get to. but to simply not give the power of the cap to any words but those that i chose, that is taking some punch from predesigned rules and making them my own.

so really i am saying i am no better than anyone else, yet i draw power from that.

interesting compelling action Artifice