the spinning wheel

last i wrote i was supposed to be getting on my sewing horse and flying. well it ended up that the week brought with it a lyme attack on my husband and daughter, of which we were hoping the antibiotics were finally working their devious magic. and a bizarre awareness alighted upon me: i hadn’t ever worked my sewing machine before.

thusly i bravely started down two divergent paths at the same time: reresearching lyme and caring for their symptoms while learning how to use my forty year old sewing machine. attempting this subatomic particle-like maneuver, i discovered that in my earlier efforts not to waste food and can, can, can, i had ignored my files which were now overflowing and the laundry was towering towards the ceiling, threateningly. forget actually taking care of the dogs, cat, goat, chickens, oh and yes did i mention that i have two kids and a husband? occasionally they might require some attention as well. so it is that over a week has passed an i have missed my self-imposed deadline for sewing my bag and thus for writing. i hang my head in shame.

so i have been frustrated this week. i didn’t finish the project i wanted and feel the need for support for this effort in living righteously. i joke not only because i find religion hokey, but because despite that, i find respecting my environment has become my religion, it informs my art. it gives me form and function, something to laugh and live about.

often it seems, especially with so many serious issues out there such as insane people fighting not to have health care reform ( i digress- having been convinced, now that we have a black president, that all things the government touches is bad and destined to control our lives. but seriously folks, doesn’t your health insurance carriers decide what they will cover or not now? i know, we have the lyme to put the bill in our hands. our bills are sky high, and empire, seemingly randomly pays some but not others. ) but i digress some more...

so there are real other issues out there. many seeming even more pressing than living the way we should. our culture has gone so far astray that trying to live a sustainable lifestyle, one without poisons, plastics and a consuming passion- seems like a pipe dream. seems impossible. you have to live outside the loop, in a bubble, isolated from all. it makes trying to live, and yes i am finally going to say it, living the right way, feel like naval gazing.

so i finally i do it, i ask for support. anyone out there in the same boat? anyone trying and getting frustrated? or just trying and would like company? maybe right now it is just naval gazing. but the truth is that it is the culture of the mass consuming society is what got us into so many problems. if we were able to live sustainably by demanding accountability from the manufacturers to create goods that are not toxic and are reusable made by people with fair wages, how much more peace would there be in to the world? how much cleaner would our air and water be? if we were not oil dependent, how many wars would be diverted? if the health of the people and the planet were held in higher esteem than that of profits, wouldn’t we have more time to focus on being able to get along together?

taking responsibility for the way we live is really taking the bull by the horns. you get tossed about and bruised. and there is a lot of bull out there, let me tell you. i tell myself, it is the only way.

crisis of faith

* our first sunflower of the year!

i feel as though i have been separated from this blog. it has been a few days, but not that long. i feel as though it has been weeks, months, years since i have written you. illness has been a barrier to my cause here (a stomach virus running virulently through my house and my father’s subsequent heart problems have distracted me).

but it feels like more, oh no, it feels like i have had a crisis of faith. i have had moments when i have felt weak. initially, i had a great moment, a revelation. i saw the light and all was clear. the church bells were ringing and my head was screwed on straight. the light streamed down from the heavens and the almighty smiled upon me with streaming rays of fractured light broken through the clouds. he spoke to me, “you shall not indulge in the disaster that is the modern world, this plastic, consuming, wasteful society.” and the earth shook and so did my knees. this powerful vision lifted the polyester veil off my eyes and revealed to my heart my mission and gave my fists the power to lift up in defiance against the mad, speed driven, hungry, angry world. and i gave my howard dean scream....

my focus was so clean and clear, (especially when my daughter wasn’t here). i gardened, i cooked, i canned. then i started getting deeper into it. cant waste food. cant waste food. must save... so i bought jars and started canning. made butter, yogurt, some cheese, granola.... and more. more time and energy was put into preparing food. more research done. now there seems to be less time to spend with my family. when i die, just pickle me then landfill me. the refuse of our great society will entomb me and i will last longer than Tutankhamen.

fun, fun, where did the fun go? the truth is i really enjoy cooking and being mindful and poking fun at myself for trying. but then a day comes where there is so much plastic being used and dumped that it feels like an avalanche burying my faith, suffocating my passion. today i wanted to take a picture of all the plastic that my family threw away, but i thought it would be too depressing. we went to see my father in the hospital. in the name of cleanliness, to stem the spread of any vaguely potential disease, plastic cups were disposed of left and right. and here goes my mea culpa, my liberal guilt, my lash myself on the back with plastic pokey things till i feel the flush of pain. i didn’t have my cup, and i didn’t even try to make sure everyone even kept their own or tried to mark each one. nothing. i did nothing as cup after cup went in the waste basket, filling up faster than you can say armageddon. (ok, so i like hyperbole, shoot me with a nuclear missile.)

but really, i felt so glad my father was well, (and a little shell shocked at the thought of his demise), i seemed sideswiped by this new chain of events. i realized how my own lack of preparedness lead me to this place. why didn’t i even have a cup with me? if i can’t remember, who can?

i talked to my husband and told him that i was resolved to hook my cup to my pants. he said it would be unwieldy. i said so what? he said, i would like to have a bag with a plate, cup and utensils in it. and just have it all the time, like a pocketbook, handbag sort of thing. wow! the lights lit brighter, the angels started to sing in my ear again.

of course i had tried an earlier version of this, but i kept the bag in the car, and only took it out when i knew i was going to eat. that put the guerilla eating events on the attack. i was often unprepared for such events, just as the hospital visit had derailed me.

but now i am newly excited and motivated (and have a new lease on life along with my father). now i will be sewing and saving some fabric from the landfill and making my own bags with pockets for dishes and silverware and a cup. i must get on my sewing horse and fly now.

help! can't get there from here... with images!

Today was an exciting day. my daughter returned home from camp. she was glowing; gorgeous, young, healthy, full of life and exuberance. it filled my heart to be with her again. we went out to eat to celebrate, and had to take food home rather than waste it. which, of course saved the food but generated the wrapper. then my partner gave the food to the dogs any way... (oh happy dogs).

later i had to go to the supermarket to fill our empty cupboards. my food procuring pattern had been thrown off by poor planning (ever my culprit) for my bread making didn't get done and my going to the farm to buy milk didn't get done. and i realized i had a long way to go before i could make the prefered household cheese: monster. so i broke down, i bought plastic wrapped cheese, which i hadnt for weeks, packaged milk, juice, nutella (also in plastic), bread (also in plastic, twice over!), i even (gasp) forgot my bags and most ashamedly, head down and fingers fidgeting, got a plastic bag. aaaaarrrrggggghhh.

my daughter who is working on being a conscious (let alone conscientious) consumer, said tonight, "you have to enjoy yourself too." so you see, i am roadblocked, derailed, despoiled, and depressed. time for me to sit on my plastic pile and pout again. tonight was my worst night in two weeks. i had cut down on my purchases at the supermarked so much so, i was actually only spending around twenty dollars when i went in there. today i spent seventy, and then i had to go back for more.

but it isnt all her fault, i cant blame her; i do love nutella too. and if i really had it together, i would have made the nutella (how hard could it be to make)? and i definitely should have made the bread (which i really usually do do) rather than have had to buy it. and the shopping was so expensive because my new hobby seems to be canning. saving the bounty of now for later, including the shrink wrapped cases.

so my not so new discovery, was that in order to cut down on purchasing, need to make food. need to make food. must make food, mmmust mmmake fffood. of course it doesnt help that it is 3:30 am. and i am waiting for my canned tomatoes to cool.

so far this past week i have made: mozzarella cheese (yum!), a supposed goat cheese like cheese that came out like little rubber balls (eh?), butter (yum), granola, cucumber salad (half gallon), canned bean salad, canned tomatoes. those are just the things that are out of the ordinary for me to do (read new adventures in cooking). dont ask me what else i do, i dont remember now.

ah, but the point, the point was that after all this industriousness, i have not yet, nor do i see in the near future, me being able to be a waste free product. i mean, what would life be like if i were to can, and bake and cook and butcher and tend the animals and the garden and my family. i wouldn't have time for this luxury of writing, now would i? would there be an I left? i suppose that might be a good thing. sometimes sleep is even a luxury. next week i have to buy my daughter back to school stuff. hmmmmm, i'm sure there will be no garbage generated with that sanguine experience. hmmm, no time for sarcasm, i am only compost waiting to happen. and that is supposed to be an uplifting thought.

despite my inablity to get there from here today, the glories of the summer days and the deep rich smell of compost are hypnotic. dirt lives and we thrive of her bounty. enjoy the photos of my not-quite-off-the grid farmlet.

Advice for Reducing Waste

what advice do i have for those of us who want to reduce their waste?

change your focus. send your kids to camp (my favorite). stop eating. stay home. don’t go anywhere. don’t vacuum (also my favorite). don’t wash anything (another favorite). and certainly, don’t throw anything away! just sit in a big pile and cry.

seriously though. i have been buying much less of everything since i realized how dangerous plastic was and decided to boycott it. i notice how so much of everything i had been buying is in it. wow! plastic rules! plastic is everywhere! and wow! my cupboard has been getting pretty bare.

what i noticed was that my point of view has shifted. i no longer go to the store thinking, what do we want to eat, what do i want to buy, or what would make my family happy? but rather, is it in plastic and can i/we do without it? are there glass or metal container equivalents? what would make my family really miserable?

thusly, i have been able to reduce my waste and plastic consumption a lot. my lovely mate is supportive as he notes that we can easily see the back of the fridge now, on every shelf too. and i clearly see how much it needs to be cleaned. the good part is i seem to be losing weight too.

also, my concentration is being improved by the need to think a head more. i need to remember and prepare more for outings in the real world. do i have my bags with me? do i have any containers that i can use? what route do i need to take to buy locally most efficiently?

the truth is even if i don’t plan on shopping, i might think of something later on, or be distracted enough to just find myself walking around in some market chasing my 3 year old as he drives away from me in his car-cart.

really, it takes focus and dedication. looking at that great free ranged ham and controlling my impulse to buy because i don’t want the plastic, is definitely making me skinnier. spending much more time preparing food than it is to eat it, i realize how difficult life used to be before all these conveniences, and understand better why plastics and the tv dinners were embraced to begin with. sometimes i even want to hug a garbage bag, i mean a good hot dog, but then i want to shower.

boringly, i recognized that it would help the most if i just kept my bags and jars into the car. that means putting them there when they are emptied or washed. but that is me because my planning ahead capacities are limited to making sure my son has a snack and i have directions to where i am going. and since i try to limit my driving as well, i need to try to remember that my shopping will be done during the day while i am otherwise out and about.

changing my focus is changing my lifestyle. i go to the farm for milk and am working on making my own cheese. mozzarella, here i come!